


Unseen Wallpaper

by Serenity70peace45



Category: Original Work
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Bullying, Complicated Relationships, Denial of Feelings, Desperation, Gen, Implied Relationships, Loneliness, Past Relationship(s), Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:22:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26905078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serenity70peace45/pseuds/Serenity70peace45
Summary: Just an examination of how one can feel almost like a permanent observer looking from the outside in.





	Unseen Wallpaper

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just having one of those days where you feel more down than usual. I will be fine, I just needed to write something down to clear my head. Thanks for reading this poetry mess. If you ever feel this way too, please get help. You're worth the help and support from others. Be kind to each other.

It was easy at first.  
No issues,  
Making friends.  
People were...  
At least nice.  
Then I got older,  
Fly on the wall,  
That's what I am.  
Watching from the side.  
Everyone speaking,  
A language that,  
I can't speak.  
Laughing,  
Smiling,  
They race forward.  
While I hang back,  
Too nervous,  
To speak.  
Every time,  
I open my mouth,  
Reach forward,   
To touch,  
A hand,  
An arm.  
They sneer,  
Tell me to go,  
"Worthless."  
"Useless."  
"Shut Up."  
"Won't amount to anything."  
"Freak."  
"Stupid Robot."  
Don't belong.  
Years go by,  
Always,  
The same.  
Left out in the rain.

Want me,  
When they need something,  
Then left,  
Alone when,  
All is done.   
Just a means,  
To an end.  
A Tagalong cookie,  
An extra.   
Bitter at first,  
Now immune.   
Just hollow,  
Like an unfilled,  
Pastry.  
At times,  
I wonder why.  
Where did I fail?  
Why do relationships feel like chess games?  
Can I ever be truly open with others?  
Be myself?

Want connection,  
Try so hard.  
To talk,  
To touch,  
To smile,  
To connect,  
To believe.   
That soon,  
I will find,  
Those,  
Who will stay.  
Just stay,  
With me,  
Not forever.  
For a while at least,  
Just more time,  
Than a month,  
A week,  
A single day.

More time passes,  
I embrace,  
The rain.  
The bitter cold,  
That comes with loneliness.  
Hoping to help,  
Those who want me,  
Need me,  
Wanting to change.  
For me,  
For them,  
For the future.  
Still lonely,  
But not forgotten.  
Not completely. 

Still hoping,  
For change.  
For someone,  
To take a chance,  
Then I can leave,  
That wall,  
And finally,  
Be a participant,  
Not an observer.


End file.
